Day Three....

Have you ever had one of those loud days. When there are voices coming in from every angle and it all makes sense but then you don't know what to write about. So forgive me today if my thoughts seem to wonder off in one direction and then the next but God's been saying a lot and its a lot to fit into one blog post. Today was quite an interesting one, was extremely tired in the morning, could not keep my eyes open in the only lecture of my day . By the time I was done I wasn't interested in anything academic so I awarded myself an official day off.

Though taken out of sheer laziness this day turned out to be one in which God showed me more of his heart. When you hear the word 'leper' what crosses your mind? I don't know about you but, dying flesh and missing limbs are the images my mind conjures up. Asked a friend today what she knew about leprosy and she told me a flesh eating disease. Its interesting that lepers are mentioned in the bible a lot and few of us really know what the disease is about. So being the biologist I am a few years ago I found out what leprosy is. Its actually a disease in which your nerve cells are damaged and you can't feel a thing. Thinking about it this doesn't sound so bad, no more pain, you could start a magic show and walk over coal without feeling a thing. But the worst thing about this disease is you don't fell anything, you could step on a rusty nail and not feel it and it will rot in your leg. That's why in the bible lepers always had missing limbs and horrible skin, this is because they would get hurt and not know about it until it was too late for any repair to be done.

This might come as a shock to some of my close friends but just realised today I feel like an emotional leper but also a spiritual leper. I envy people who genuinely cry, feel surprise and feel overwhelmed. Just taking stock of my life most of the moments I've had (especially the special moments) with important people in my life I have known what I wanted to feel but never felt it. I told a friend of mine today that you can't surprise me  not because I always know but because I know what surprise looks like but not what it feels like. Maybe its just me and my weird life but thats how it is, maybe someone out there can relate to my feeling of indifference to most things. I envy guys who can just cry before God and be overtaken by worship, was asking God why I don't have such a relationship with Him. I think of that verse in Psalm 34:8 "Taste and see that the Lord is good." I want to move from heart knowledge to feeling His love and being overwhelmed, and am sure the more QUANTITY time I spend with Him the QUALITY time will follow.


But even in my pursuit of tasting Him one thing will remain true, that I know He is God. And if I am never to have the feeling, my soul is satisfied in the knowledge of Him.


love, peace and happiness


Tau