Life... in a Nutshell

It’s funny but I was reading Kate McDonalds blog and it stirred up a lot in me today. As you probably can see I haven't blogged in a while or written anything. Whenever I did it was with a great amount of inconsistency and I guess I thought today would be my second beginning of my second attempt to share my thoughts and let God speak to me and all who read through them.

I have had a hectic month of my life being thrown into 20 different directions (mostly due to my bad decisions). I guess a lot of the stuff will be outline as with sharing my story I am also wanting to protect the people I love and hence this will not be your juicy Gossip Column section but just my way of sharing were I have come from. About six weeks back I got into some very destructive behaviour, I became a person I barely even recognised. I hurt deeply the people I love and let down the people who looked up to me and those who supported me. One of the things that captured me about Kate McDonald's post was that, I quote: "That it doesn’t take long living apart from the life-giving source of relationship with God to become a person you can’t even recognize." It was such a surreal feeling when I think back on all my shameful activities. When I remember them it feels like I am remembering someone else's story and life and not my own. It feels as if I am remembering being in a scene of a movie as an extra but not being the one acting. But the truth of it all is that it was me all me.

I guess I have always made up excuses for myself and said I did this and that because someone did this and that to me. But I guess this time it was no excuses time, I had harboured bad seed and that seed have borne fruit in a situation. I heard this analogy once: Take for example two glasses of water one with dirty water and another with clean water. If you were to bump the glasses together water would spill over. The one glass would spill dirty water and the other clean water. It wasn't the bump that produced dirty or clean water but it was what was inside of the glasses from the beginning. I guess that's the way our relationships with people are like. I got into a bump and all I could spill was dirty water. God has showed me a lot these past couple of weeks. He's shown me elements of pride, selfishness, foolishness that I never knew were in me.

As Sibs Sibanda (pastor at church) once said, we need to give ourselves to the process of God's moulding. I guess everyday when I wake up I say to myself I had to lose everything for me to gain the most important thing, that was my relationship with God. I think as Christians we get so caught up in knowing how to live that we forget that living is a daily process. I once wrote that "A man's character is not defined by what he does in a fleeting moment, but a collection of those fleeting moments." Am nowhere near but as some sticker once said "PBPGNDWMY" (Please be patient God's not done with me yet), and its stuff I live by every day.

I have learnt a lot about Hope these past few weeks, sometimes we think of hope as the absence of future trials. But I now see hope as the presence of future victories, I am making my way through one battle now and it won't be my last. I am seeing the value of delighting in the small beginnings, those little glimmers of hope that tell you it’s possible. Maybe today you are like me, trying to stamp out a long overdue bad habit and each time you try you fail. Maybe you facing bigger stuff, a drug addiction a failing marriage and no matter what you try to do you hit a brick wall. Just keep in there and trust in Jesus, he is our strength in times of weakness, I guess we always preach to people to love the unlovable but forget to tell them that only happens through Jesus.

Wow seems I have made headway today, hoping to share some more stuff tomorrow. Trusting in his grace and sufficiency to pull me through....