Letting it go.....

Today my morning started out in a rather interesting way. My roomate fell asleep watching Flash Forward and when I woke up I felt the urge to watch it. Its a series about a day Oct 9 when thw whole world blackouted for 137 secs and each person saw themselves 6 months in the future. Zoning in there's the interesting plot of the detective who sees himself going back to alcohlism and his wife seeing herself with another man. Interesting enough they are in constant conflict over each other's 'flash forward' and the wife says something very intrigiung. She says, "It's not about the drinking or the other man, its's just that we don't trust each other anymore."

Trust, such a small word but has a very big implications. What do we mean when we say we trust someone? It's a very big question because no matter how we look at it we live in a world were people will betray our trust. But what do we do then, when we trust  people with our lives and they let us down. I guess the first step is always the hardest and thats forgiveness. We throw around words like 'I forgive you', but do we really know what forgiveness entails. It's not a warm  fuzzy feeling we get and end up feeling good about ourselves. But like anything that has love in the mix, forgiveness is all about choices. It's about choosing to let go, its about choosing to take that leap of faith with people who have hurt us. It doesn't mean we don't have the scars of betrayal but thats when we look back on them we don't do so with bitterness.

I remember when I was about 10 we used to go play miniature golf with my brothers. And this one time my brother swung a gold club at me and I have the scar on my forehead to this day. That scar will always be with me and whenever I feel it on my forehead I remember that day, but not with the anger I had that day. But as a memory of something that once happened. If you ask yourself today do you have scars of your past that you keep jabbing with a knife and are not allowing to heal. Maybe you have a metaphoric gun to someone's head and looking for a reason to pull the trigger. If we keep looking for reasons for people to let us down, believe me we will find them. I guess I am always by Colossians 3:13 which reads:

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Always know you are never alone, thats what Jesus is there for. To help us forgive like we never knew we could. Lets keep relying on him.

Love, peace and happiness

Tau

This world will never be enough.......

As I write this now I stand in awe as I feel God has been knocking on my heart about my post yesterday and I still feel there is still more to share today. Had an awesome prayer morning with THE MEN!!! in Bryanston today and just filled with an excitement through all the doors God is opening for His church. But with that I felt God constantly hammering into my heart that nothing but Him, not the success of His church or anything AT ALL will satisfy us than Him.

Just reading other blogs today it felt that God is pressing this message more than ever before. I think back on Switchfoot's song a beautiful letdown with the lyrics:

“It was a beautiful letdown, the day I knew, that all the riches this world had to offer me, will never do.”

What are we telling ourselves each morning, are we saying:

'I just need to have that CD by that band and I'll be happy' or

'I just need that latest outfit' or

'I just need a lover then I'll be satisfied'

We think God is our joy and happiness through His blessings forgetting that He is joy and happiness in himself. And its a daily thing, I thought I had together yesterday and today God blew me away again by just revealing my heart attitude.

David Wilcox in his song 'Break in a Cup', he alikens our hearts to cups with cracks which we try to get people and things to fill us with love, but our cracks let the love run out. The song just captures the essence of what our hearts are like, broken and in need of the one thing to mend and fill them up Jesus. It ends with these lyrics:

We cannot trade empty with empty

We must go to the waterfall

For there's a break in the cup that holds love

A break in the cup that holds love

A break in the cup that holds love

Inside us all

Inside us all

That waterfall is only found in one man and thats Jesus, 'The lover of our souls'. Everyday he teaches me to fall more in love with Him. Matthew 7:7b says seek and you shall find. Our job is not to go about doing the finding but just to do the seeking for God wants us to find him. So whenever you hit a downturn in life and find yourself looking for satisfaction in the empty, remember who's door to knock on Jesus.

love, peace and happiness

Tau 

What Matters Most.....?

Days after my last exam I really thought I would be bored but it is proving to be a very interesting journey for me. I thought of blogging in the morning but I kept getting the sense that what God wanted me to write today I would only find out later. Me being the impatient child I am wanted to blog so much but every sentence I put down seemed not to hold any substance. So today had a cool chilled out morning then met up with KW and DP which was awesome because they brought to the surface something very profound.It was more of a question about what matters the most.


Read a cool blog today by Mike(lead singer for Tenth Avenue North) and he was sharing a story about a friend of his who had just broken up with his girlfriend. You know most stories like these have some wishy washy soppy its gonna be alright tone but this one was different. It was blunt, unapologetic truth in love that he shared with his friend. Ultimately he laid it down telling Him what matters most and thats Jesus. Sometimes we think only the 'evil' stuff in our lives can become idols i.e. Money, Sex, Power. But even good stuff can become such a big thing in our lives that we lose touch of rily "WHAT MATTERS MOST". Going back to Mike's blog he gave the example of his wife of 2years and how no matter how great she is, she can never make him completely happy. She shouldn't be able to, that would be taking God's place.

Sometimes we place pressure on people we have in our lives, wives, girlfriends, husbands, kids e.t.c to be our source of contentment but we forget that the God shaped hole in our hearts can't be filled with the greatest spouse or family in the world. It can only be filled by God. And so, I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact, that since God loves me, he won’t let me be completely happy with anything other than Himself. He knows that my relationship with Him is the only constant and unchanging thing I will ever have in my life. Its a painful but good truth. There is an amazing book written over three decades ago by Sheldon Vanauken called 'A Severe Mercy'. Its basically, about this man who loses his wife through death, and he realizes that it was the severe mercy of God that allowed it to happen, because she was his God. He didn’t know it at the time, but the most merciful thing God could do was to take her from him, because only God can last beyond this life. Only God can satisfy.

I guess its some food for thought guys, definately for me. Not to say we shouldn't love and relationships and family are pointless. But that in our loving and spending time with amazing people that God has the mercy to give us we don't for get our first love, Jesus. I am always reminded of this through Revelations 2:2-4, it reads:

I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.

Peace, love and happiness

Tau

The Way forward.....

I have many questions in my mind at the moment. Very silly questions as a matter a fact. Why is it that when babies learn to walk, when they stand instinctually they move forward and when they fail to take that next step they fall back. Funny analogy if you picture it in your mind but I think thats what its like in our christian walk. We are like babies in every sense of the word, we stand up excited to take on the new challenge but on trying to take that step to move forward we fall back to our old ways.

But i guess the difference with babies is that they no matter how many times they fall they pick themselves up and try again. Sometimes I wish we all had the resilience of babies, the faith that no matter how many times we fall, our dad God, is looking down to us and beckoning us to Himself. Be it you have tried to put him first, you've wanted your motives for serving and loving God to be genuine and each time you failed. I have a prayer from Psalm 139: 23-24 that I read today and it filled me with a sense of what to ask God when I feel I've failed him again. It reads:

Search me, O God, and know my heart, Try me, and know my thoughts
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

We are everything in Jesus guys... Lets let his amazing love and grace be what changes us.....

Love, peace and happiness

Tau

The Heart of the Matter...

Thought for today my fellow bloggers and blog readers... What really is on God's heart is our heart. Behaviour change comes from heart change, lets stop fearing the physical and emotional consequences of our actions and start revering the awesome splendour of the Almighty...

Happy Saturday loved ones

Tau

Extravagance

Just finished my last paper and after the stuff I have experienced over the past three papers thought I would share with you guys a little bit about extravagance. Just googled the word extravagance and it gave this meaning "unrestrained excess..."

These past couple of weeks I feel God has provided unrestrained excess in my life. From his lavish grace, with me making a fool of myself almost on a daily basis, but He sees me through a different pair of shades. I think today was just the topping on the cherry. Just a bit of background, I ain't the most hard working person on the planet  (more inclined to lazy). But this year I have made it a point to focus well on my studies and make sure I have everything on lockdown. I became very confident in my abilities, knew the right study patterns and genrally did what was expected of me. But then exam time came and with a hectic 3 weeks prior to my exams I didn't have that smug confidence I always had. I felt I was on shaky ground nowhere really to turn to.  I literally felt I was loosing everything that I had worked hard for.

But then sitting watching telly the other day Joel Osteen came up and started speaking about successful people. Gave the example of Nebuchadnezzur(don't know if spelling is right), how in the early days of truimph he honoured the Lord. But when it became a norm for him to succeed he looked to himself and that led to his downfall. And like a light bulb in my head i felt God saying, "Have you gotten so used to succeeding that you think it depends on you."
And thats what we are like sometimes, we forget that getting to the highs we are wasn't by our ingenious five year plan. But it was a result of God's EXTRAVAGANCE. He is our source and wellspring, in good times and in bad.

Maybe you were like me in the middle of exams or you reading this and stuff just ain't coming together in your life. You feel you have failed cause you havn't tried hard enough... Just don't forget that God is Extravagant in al his wasy...

Peace

Tau

I am... broken...

Today was one of those days where you take stock of your life and where God has taken you from. Thought I would share a song I worte about 8 months ago, which at the time made no sense. I feel God meant for me to write that song as a cry for help, and I can't tell you how many times I sang this song in the shower every morning for the past 6 weeks.

I come to you now seeking answers

I'm sorry I've fallen again

I tried to be a better man

To live my life a little more like yours

But I fall far too short

Mend me now

I am broken, I am broken

Show me how, to live for You

Even when my world is falling apart

And now that you take me back again

Let not my strength be my own

I want to be that little flame

That shines your light

To each and every man

Set me on fire now

Fill me now

I am empty,I am empty

Show me how, to live for You

Even when my world is falling apart

I guess when we go through seasons of testing and trial we feel like this in one way or the other. But I'm always encouraged by Job's discussion with God. How he was honest and broken before God about what was happening to him, humbled by the fact that by his own strength he could do nothing to change it. And giving in to the lavish love and grace God has for each of us to get him through it. That's what helps me get up in the morning, knowing that if there is one person left with to hang out with in my life that's Jesus. And even though things look bleak, he is my treasure, he is my sanctuary, he is my fortress. If you are going through hectic times, forget what is happening around you and focus on what he's doing in you

Have a great day people

Tau

Life... in a Nutshell

It’s funny but I was reading Kate McDonalds blog and it stirred up a lot in me today. As you probably can see I haven't blogged in a while or written anything. Whenever I did it was with a great amount of inconsistency and I guess I thought today would be my second beginning of my second attempt to share my thoughts and let God speak to me and all who read through them.

I have had a hectic month of my life being thrown into 20 different directions (mostly due to my bad decisions). I guess a lot of the stuff will be outline as with sharing my story I am also wanting to protect the people I love and hence this will not be your juicy Gossip Column section but just my way of sharing were I have come from. About six weeks back I got into some very destructive behaviour, I became a person I barely even recognised. I hurt deeply the people I love and let down the people who looked up to me and those who supported me. One of the things that captured me about Kate McDonald's post was that, I quote: "That it doesn’t take long living apart from the life-giving source of relationship with God to become a person you can’t even recognize." It was such a surreal feeling when I think back on all my shameful activities. When I remember them it feels like I am remembering someone else's story and life and not my own. It feels as if I am remembering being in a scene of a movie as an extra but not being the one acting. But the truth of it all is that it was me all me.

I guess I have always made up excuses for myself and said I did this and that because someone did this and that to me. But I guess this time it was no excuses time, I had harboured bad seed and that seed have borne fruit in a situation. I heard this analogy once: Take for example two glasses of water one with dirty water and another with clean water. If you were to bump the glasses together water would spill over. The one glass would spill dirty water and the other clean water. It wasn't the bump that produced dirty or clean water but it was what was inside of the glasses from the beginning. I guess that's the way our relationships with people are like. I got into a bump and all I could spill was dirty water. God has showed me a lot these past couple of weeks. He's shown me elements of pride, selfishness, foolishness that I never knew were in me.

As Sibs Sibanda (pastor at church) once said, we need to give ourselves to the process of God's moulding. I guess everyday when I wake up I say to myself I had to lose everything for me to gain the most important thing, that was my relationship with God. I think as Christians we get so caught up in knowing how to live that we forget that living is a daily process. I once wrote that "A man's character is not defined by what he does in a fleeting moment, but a collection of those fleeting moments." Am nowhere near but as some sticker once said "PBPGNDWMY" (Please be patient God's not done with me yet), and its stuff I live by every day.

I have learnt a lot about Hope these past few weeks, sometimes we think of hope as the absence of future trials. But I now see hope as the presence of future victories, I am making my way through one battle now and it won't be my last. I am seeing the value of delighting in the small beginnings, those little glimmers of hope that tell you it’s possible. Maybe today you are like me, trying to stamp out a long overdue bad habit and each time you try you fail. Maybe you facing bigger stuff, a drug addiction a failing marriage and no matter what you try to do you hit a brick wall. Just keep in there and trust in Jesus, he is our strength in times of weakness, I guess we always preach to people to love the unlovable but forget to tell them that only happens through Jesus.

Wow seems I have made headway today, hoping to share some more stuff tomorrow. Trusting in his grace and sufficiency to pull me through....

Where have they gone

Our job is to believe the best and plant good seed not to play God and pluck the weeds.... - Steven Furtick